Today's Stuggles

Today is a Friday. I took the day off to participate in the Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society. Well, come to find out yesterday that no one on my team was planning on being there. So, I've been in the deliema whether to go or not to go. It's weighing on me greatly. I know that if it were closer it wouldn't be an issue, I'd go. This is an hour + drive away. If I had known this would happen I would have done one locally (10 min drive). Someone from our team is supposed to be on the track walking at all times. I cannot do that. I know this. So, I feel like I've decieved the people that made donations to support me. I feel so conflicted about this. This is all due to mis-communication.

I should be out mowing, or doing laundry, or something productive, but I just cannot get myself motivated to do anything. Today I'm leaning on God a bit more than usual. He will give me the strength to understand this.

I still feel so deeply for my friends who lost their husband/father last week. The family has been on my heart so much lately. Especially the teen that I know. I just want to hold her and let her cry her eyes out, but I cannot. Not yet. The time will come.


Deuteronomy 6:5 NIVLove the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength

Father's Day

Even though Father's Day was yesterday, I thought of many things about this. There are so many aspects of what Father's Day is to people. The majority of people think it's about our earthly father, which is correct, however, we need to remember our Lord God our Father!

My earthly father... Hmmm... When I think about him, I do my best to only remember the good things about him. I know he did the best he could as a dad, no one can really ask any more of a person than giving 100%. Thinking along this line, my dad did some great things for me.

He taught me how to be organized, pack a car, use a hammer; which many of my female friends never learned how to do until they were an adult. He tried to be fun and enjoy life. I know he was not handed the best deal when he was younger. His father passed when he was little (not even 5) so his "father figures" were other men in his life. So, being that said, he did a good job.

I am greatful for my Father above allowing me to have my dad on earth. Of course there were negative things, but that is the past and it's done and over with. Today is a new day. I will take what I've learned from my dad and try to use that good for my own kids.

This way I can be a good mom to them.

Speechless

Today I sit here stunned. This morning was a morning of chaos and craziness for a friend of mine. I cannot imagine what she is going through right now. She woke up this morning to find her husband had passed away during the night. It just boggles my mind. There's so many things going through my head right now. No, I wasn't that close with him, however, I feel I am close to one of his daughters. All I want to do is hug her and not let go, but I cannot right now. The time will come and she'll be within arms reach for that hug, as will her mom and two other sisters.

I have been so amazed at how the news has traveled so quickly. I have been contacted by 5 different people, but find that a family that recently moved to Africa knows already. I am so greatful for the kingdom of God.

This is a man who lived his life following Jesus. He was a wise man that will be missed by more than I can even imagine. I hope to attend his services later this week.

The goal... to leave the legacy as he has... following God. Walking the walk of a true disciple of Jesus.

So it brings me to a song, which was sung recently at church:

Legacy by Nichole Nordeman
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
And you can take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the "who's who's" and so-and-so's
That used to be the best at such and such
It wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an "atta boy" or "atta girl"
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this worldI want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soonenough destroy
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bredI just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me

So when I hear these words sung http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbi4nSrhRxo I wonder... have I done enough? Have I lived the life that God wants me to live? Am I being the Christian that He wants me to be?

I know I cannot answer these questions. I am doing the best that I can as I'm sure my friend who passed did. I will know one day... I hope to hear "Well done" from the one and only true GOD!