Thoughts

So in this blog all I've done is post on my quiet times. I understand that can be uplifting, however, to be able to fully understand why these things affect me the way they do, you need to understand me. I can't even understand me, so good luck. I will do the best to explore more than what the scriptures mean, but what they mean to me personally. I struggle with many things just like anyone out there. I have my demons that I battle with on a daily basis. To someone else they may be nothing, however, we each have our own shoes to walk in. I'll stick to my own shoes though, I don't think I could handle anyone else's problems.

Knowing that Jesus died for me.... This is a totally amazing concept. I am so not worthy of this sacrifice. Yet, it happened. He was on the cross dying for me. I know he died for everyone, however, putting into this concept of him dying for one (each of us) is so much more personal. Can you imagine him on the cross, knowing that we'd just continue to be such a messed up people? He did it anyway, so we have the opportunity to reach God. When I think about this, I cry. It tears me apart to know that God loves me so much that He allowed Jesus to be tortured and die in the manor he did... because He loves me.

Today is a day I am going to struggle through, I can already tell. Having absolutely nothing to do with work or family... just having to do with lack of self esteem. I feel like I am nothing. I am so grateful for the things I do have though. This is how I bring myself out of the pit of dispare called depression. It is a daily struggle for me. Knowing this I have decided that I need to keep a better blog of my own to follow. I have to do this for myself. I will as well, continue my quiet times here online for anyone who is following them. I know that God has a plan for me, today is the beginning of a new day... a new idea. Let's hope I can keep it going.

Right now, I'm feeling better now that I have come up with a plan. I'm calling it my 365 day plan. Since I'm on my computer daily, I should be able to do this. I know I won't when I'm at camp... so I'll have to take some good meds for my arthritis and write longhand then transfer it to my folder.